Your Body Is Talking: Understanding Your Nervous System's Physical Language
Have you ever noticed your stomach churning before a difficult conversation? Or felt your shoulders relax the moment you walked into a friend's home? Your body isn't just along for the ride—it's constantly communicating what your nervous system is experiencing.
The Three Gears Your Nervous System Uses
Think of your nervous system as having three main settings, like gears in a car. We're constantly shifting between them based on what we perceive (consciously or unconsciously) about our safety.
The Safe & Social Gear (Ventral Vagal)
This is your body's home base—the state where connection, digestion, and healing happen naturally.
What you might notice:
Your breathing flows easily, belly rising and falling naturally
Your stomach is settled (you might even feel hungry)
Your face feels animated; smiling comes easily
Eye contact feels comfortable, even nourishing
Your voice has range—warm, expressive, varied
You can hear the meaning behind people's words, not just the sounds
Your hands and feet feel warm (blood flowing freely)
You want to connect, play, rest, or be creative
Stillness feels peaceful, not anxious
This is the state where your body can truly rest, digest, heal, and bond with others.
The Action Gear (Sympathetic)
When your system detects something that needs addressing—a deadline, a conflict, a perceived threat—it shifts into mobilization mode.
What you might notice:
Heart racing or pounding
Breathing becomes shallow and quick, high in your chest
Feeling hot, flushed, or sweaty
Restless energy—hard to sit still
Jaw clenched, shoulders tight
Stomach upset, nausea, or appetite completely gone
Dry mouth
Hyper-focused on potential problems or what could go wrong
Difficulty really listening to others (you're too activated)
Everything feels urgent
This state gives you energy and focus for genuine challenges. But when it becomes your default setting—when your body thinks everything is an emergency—it's exhausting and isolating.
The Shutdown Gear (Dorsal Vagal)
When a situation feels overwhelming or inescapable, your nervous system may shift into a protective shutdown. This is an ancient survival response: when you can't fight or flee, you fold inward.
What you might notice:
Feeling numb, flat, or disconnected from yourself
Everything seems distant or foggy, like you're watching through glass
Hard to feel emotions—or pain—even when you "should"
Moving or speaking takes enormous effort
Your face feels blank or frozen
Hard to make or maintain eye contact
Voice comes out monotone or barely audible
People's words don't really land; you hear sounds but not meaning
No desire for connection or intimacy
Feeling simultaneously exhausted and unable to rest
This state helped our ancestors survive by conserving energy and "playing dead." But when we get stuck here, life loses its color and connection.
Why This Matters
Your nervous system isn't broken—it's doing exactly what it was designed to do based on what it perceives.
The problem is that our nervous systems developed for physical threats (predators, natural disasters) but now respond to psychological and social stressors the same way. Your body doesn't distinguish between a tiger and a critical email from your boss.
When you start noticing your body's physical cues, you gain valuable information:
"My stomach just clenched—something about this situation doesn't feel safe to my system"
"My chest feels tight and I can't take a deep breath—I'm more activated than I realized"
"I feel nothing at all—I might be in shutdown"
The First Step: Just Notice
You don't have to fix anything yet. Simply start paying attention:
Where do you notice tension or discomfort in your body right now?
Is your breathing shallow or deep? Fast or slow?
Do your hands and feet feel warm or cold?
What's your jaw doing? Your shoulders?
How does your belly feel?
These sensations aren't random—they're data. Your body is constantly reading your environment and responding. Learning its language is the first step toward working with your nervous system instead of against it.
In future posts, we'll explore how to gently shift between these states and what helps your system feel safe enough to return to connection and presence.
References
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
Porges, S. W. (2017). The pocket guide to the polyvagal theory: The transformative power of feeling safe. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
Dana, D. (2018). The polyvagal theory in therapy: Engaging the rhythm of regulation. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Penguin Books.
Levine, P. A. (2010). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books.
Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the body: A sensorimotor approach to psychotherapy. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebras don't get ulcers (3rd ed.). New York: Henry Holt and Company.
For more accessible introductions to polyvagal theory and nervous system regulation, see Deb Dana's work and Stephen Porges' Pocket Guide.
