Why Your Emotions Feel So Big: Understanding Core Negative Beliefs
Have you ever noticed how certain feelings seem to hit harder than others? How a small criticism can send you spiraling, or a minor conflict leaves you feeling shaken for days? There's often something deeper happening beneath the surface—something touching on beliefs you hold about yourself or the world that you may not even realize are there.
In trauma therapy, particularly in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), we work with what are called negative cognitions—core beliefs that form, often early in life, about who we are and what we can expect from the world around us. These beliefs aren't just thoughts we have occasionally; they're deeply wired conclusions that our nervous system treats as truth, even when our rational mind knows better.
The Beliefs That Hold Our Pain
When we experience something difficult or overwhelming, especially in childhood or during vulnerable moments, our brain doesn't just record what happened—it draws conclusions. These conclusions tend to cluster around five key themes:
Responsibility beliefs tell us we should have known better, that we did something wrong, or that we're fundamentally to blame for bad things that happen. These beliefs keep us stuck in shame and self-criticism.
Safety beliefs convince us that we can't trust ourselves or others, that we're in danger, or that showing our emotions isn't safe. These beliefs keep our nervous system on high alert.
Choice beliefs make us feel trapped, powerless to change our circumstances, or convinced we must be perfect to be acceptable. These beliefs steal our sense of agency.
Power beliefs tell us we can't handle life's challenges, that we're helpless, or that we can't get what we need. These beliefs keep us feeling small and incapable.
Value beliefs are perhaps the most painful—these are the stories we tell ourselves about our fundamental worth. That we're not good enough, that we're damaged or defective, that we don't belong, that we're different in ways that make us unlovable. These beliefs touch on our deepest fears about whether we matter.
Common Negative Cognitions: What Might Resonate for You?
Below is a reference list of common negative beliefs organized by category. As you read through them, notice which ones create a physical reaction in your body—a tightness in your chest, a sinking feeling, or that sense of "oh, that's exactly it." Those visceral reactions often point to beliefs that are most active in your system.
RESPONSIBILITY
I should have known better
I should have done something
I did something wrong
I am to blame
I cannot be trusted
SAFETY
I cannot trust myself
I cannot trust anyone
I am in danger
I am not safe
I cannot show my emotions
CHOICE
I am not in control
I have to be perfect/please everyone
I am weak
I am trapped
I have no options
POWER
I cannot get what I want
I cannot handle it/stand it
I cannot succeed
I cannot stand up for myself
I cannot let it out
I am powerless/helpless
VALUE
I am not good enough
I am a bad person/I am terrible
I am permanently damaged
I am defective
I am worthless/inadequate
I am insignificant/I am not important
I deserve to die
I deserve only bad things
I am stupid
I'm an outsider
I am a failure
I am ugly/My body is ugly
I am alone
I don't belong
I'm different
I'm disconnected
I'm an oddball/weirdo
I'm a reject
Note: Some cultures view the collective community as one—in these contexts, "we" might carry the same meaning as "I" in these beliefs.
Why Small Triggers Create Big Reactions
Here's what makes these beliefs so powerful: when something happens in the present that even remotely echoes one of these core beliefs, our entire system reacts as if the original wound is happening again.
Your colleague makes an offhand comment about your work, and suddenly you're flooded with feelings of being worthless and incompetent—not because the comment itself was devastating, but because it activated a deep belief that you're "not good enough." A friend cancels plans, and you feel utterly alone and rejected—not because this one cancellation is catastrophic, but because it touches the belief that you're an outsider who doesn't belong.
The emotion feels enormous because it's not just about the present moment. It's carrying the weight of every time that belief has been reinforced, sometimes stretching back decades.
The Path Forward
Understanding that these beliefs exist—and that they're driving much of your emotional intensity—is the first step toward healing. These cognitions aren't facts about you, even though they feel true. They're conclusions drawn by a younger, more vulnerable version of you who was trying to make sense of overwhelming experiences with a developing brain.
In trauma therapy, we work to identify which negative cognitions are most active for you, track how they show up in your daily life, and gradually help your nervous system recognize that these old conclusions don't have to define your present or future. We help you develop new, more adaptive beliefs—like "I am capable," "I am safe now," "I belong," or "I am worthy of good things."
Healing doesn't mean you'll never have big feelings again. It means those feelings won't carry the weight of old wounds, and you'll have more choice in how you respond to them.
If you recognize yourself in these beliefs and feel ready to work with them, trauma-focused therapy approaches like EMDR can help. The journey isn't about positive thinking your way out of these beliefs—it's about genuinely updating what your nervous system knows to be true about you and the world.
References
The negative cognition framework presented in this post is adapted from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) training materials and is part of the standard EMDR protocol developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro.
Source: Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy: Basic principles, protocols, and procedures (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
For more information about EMDR therapy, visit the EMDR International Association (EMDRIA) at www.emdria.org
